I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s been “one of those weeks.” One of those weeks that you wish ended as quick as it came; but you know it’s not going to. One of those weeks that leave you crawling in your bed on Monday night weeping because it’s not even close to being over. One of those weeks that leave you fearful of Tuesday just wondering how on earth you’re going to get through. One of those weeks that leave you in time with God saying, “remind me that You’re faitful, don’t let me forget it, I’m desperate for it.” Yeah… I’ve had one of those weeks & it’s only Tuesday.
I’ve been wanting to update for quite a while, but for some unapparent reason I haven’t, I haven’t even written in my journal since September, or even consistently in about a year. That’s so odd for me… but somehow this “week”, (I say “week” because it’s only Tuesday) has led me here, typing again, trying my very best to get every ounce of what I’m feeling & what life is leaving me – onto this thing I call a “blog.”
For some reason I find it easier to write when things aren’t going as I’ve hoped, or when things just leave me weeping in my bed at 11:30 Monday night wishing tomorrow was some other day other than only Tuesday…
Monday was quite a day, I slowly made my way to the van that my Dad & my sister were in, my sister & I were going to be dropped off at my cousin’s house for Lunch like we are everyday. I could tell as soon as I got into the van that something was wrong – my Dad has somehow become a more tender man in the past few years than what I ever thought was possible, & if you know my dad then you know that “tender” was never an easy word to use to describe him, but it’s become harder for him to hide what he’s feeling…. tears come easier & emotions aren’t as easily veiled anymore. As we were driving he looked over at Britt & I & said, “Uncle Donald died. He was in the Hospital, he was very sick & they let him go home Sunday & Sunday night he died in his sleep.” & I just sat there, looking at him repeatedly, wondering if what he said was really true. It was. The only words that seemed to leave my mouth were, “Uncle Donald?” “What was wrong?” “Are we going to the funeral?” “How’s everyone taking it?” “I don’t even know what to think.”
I really didn’t know what to think…. Britt & Uncle Donald, well he’s was our Great Uncle, & him & Britt had gotten close over the past few years. Somehow he seemed like an older, man, version of Britt. They both we’re the joksters, Britt being 16 & him being in his 80′s, they were decades apart but yet extremely close. But for me… Uncle Donald was the man who I saw when I went to Cleveland to visit my Dad’s side of the family, & the man who always made me laugh & told me he loved me even though we didn’t know eachother well. He was the man who just last week I found myself thinking, “I want to visit Uncle Donald & get to know him better.” It tears me up that I didn’t get that chance… because he was always that man that I longed to know, I never got to see him often, but he was one of those men whose child-like spirit was more than evident, & whose love for God was obvious. I am thankful for having him as a part of my life… but it’s more like the memories of seeing him at my Great-Grandma’s 100+ birthday parties instead of sitting with him on a bench in the park discussing our lives. My memories of him can make me laugh, but the memories I don’t have of him make me weep. And I did; I have wept.
I don’t know why but for some reason our car & van seemed to be the place where all “bad news” was spilt yesterday. Britt & I were getting picked up from school, by our Mom this time to go home. & she mentioned Uncle Donald knowing that Dad had told us about him. & then she said, “Did he tell you about your Great Uncle Bob?” & my heart sank. Uncle Bob is to me, what Uncle Donald was to Britt. I got fearful. & I quickly said, “no! What about Uncle Bob?” & she said, “Grandma (my Dad’s Mom, Uncle Donald & Bob’s sister) said he didn’t want you to know, he didn’t even know your Dad knew.” And Britt looked at her & said, “You can mention him & then not tell us what’s going on!” I quickly agreed. And she said, “Teresa, he especially didn’t want you knowing, that’s what Grandma said, she knows how close you two are.” And she took a deep breath & said, “Uncle Bob has cancer. I guess he’s had it for quite some time & hasn’t wanted anyone to know, but he’s not doing well at all right now.” Tears crept into my eyes… without me wanting them there.
Uncle Bob is 85 years old & doesn’t look a day over 50 – my Dad’s side of the family is known for that! If you’ve ever watched “The Cosby Show” my sister & I have giggled over it for years, but he reminds us so much of the man who plays Bill Cosby’s dad. This man has an old soul, & yet knows how to connect with someone as young as me. This is the man who walks in the room & everyone is eager to talk to. He’s the one, who, like his brother Donald, allows God to be so evident in him. He’s the man who calls me unexpectedly & asks me a million questions about my life. He’s the man who Britt & I have a picture with in our Kitchen & I look at it quite frequently saying “I want to go to Chicago to see Bob.” Honestly, he’s the man who resembles the type of man that I’d want to be married to someday. I love the fact that he’s in my life.
So, this “week” has left me in whirlwind… of death, cancer, ‘wish I had’s', & …. doctor visits.
Yes, so, unfortunately, in the midst of this chaos something has happened with my own body that’s left me in a whirlwind. I’ve been getting in contact with doctors & went to the doctors yesterday to have some tests done & will need more done within the next few weeks. I’m not going to get into detail, but please do pray… that’s all I’ll say on that.
Yeah… it’s been one of those weeks.
Teresa
