I’ve been up for over 2 hours now. The sun is slowly rising on the opposite side of the house, but I am finally able to look out my bedroom window and see the sun’s glistening reflection on the houses across the street. Tis good friends. :)
I think I’m going to try to get back to blogging more often. I told myself sometime last week that I was going to start writing in my journal again – last year I wrote in my journal a few times a week, but this year it’s even rare to find my pen-written journal entries once a month. I really don’t know why either. I’m a writer at heart, I love words. I expected myself to finally write more in my journal and blog while I’ve been on Christmas break – but with only 3 more days of break, I still haven’t written in my journal and have only posted two blogs.
To be honest with you, I really have no excuse (not that writing is demanded of me) or reason why I haven’t written. Over the past few weeks I’ve had tons to write and share here and in my journal. I’ve had things that have drastically changed my life, things that I’ve been learning, times spent with dear people, an emotional “meltdown,” and times spent with God that are worth sharing. I have no reason other than maybe I don’t want to take the time to share it, or find the words to explain.
Some of the very things listed above are the things that have left me with very few hours of sleep in the past few weeks. It’s more than just the expected insomnia on my part, this time. I’m normally one to be in bed by 10 or 10:30 everynight, with countless times of waking up during the “wee” hours. But Friday night by 9 o’clock my body was aching and I was terribly tired, but my mind wouldn’t slow down and my heart wouldn’t still. I stayed in my bedroom randomly switching through tv channels, checking things on my laptop, replying to emails, having a heavy heart and a busy mind. I finally laid down in bed after having some time with Jesus at 2am, and still didn’t get to sleep until alittle before 3. For some reason the more tired I got the less easier it was to sleep. And why? Because my mind was busy, jumping from thing to thing, bringing to my attention the things that I need to tend to that I haven’t. Like, the very things that have left me with no sleep…. the thing that has become a passion and burden.
Ahh…. pure joy. (Yes, I am kidding. *grin*)
I am one who normally misses out on sleep when things aren’t going to well – or as I mentioned above, I have too many things to tend to at once. The last few weeks have been insane. Things have happened and I did not expect them to, (not necessarily bad) things that have left me losing hours of sleep in the past 2 weeks, times of weeping bitterly over it, times of pacing my room during late nights thinking heavy upon it, times with God that has left me doing all of the things above, and weekly nightmares during the past few weeks.
Now you are probably thinking: ‘Well, Teresa tell us what thing has led you to lose sleep, have nights of late crying, pacing your room for hours, and weekly nightmares. Tell us!’
Well, the thing is, is that I’m not telling. *grin* I feel like a 10 year old school girl having a secret and saying to one of her ‘friends’ “well I’m not telling you, only I/we can know!” and walking off with one of those grins that leaves you wanting to know even more. Well, I’m not that 10 year old school girl. But, I think this is one of the very reasons I’ve lacked writing. Because there is one thing that I want to share when I write – but I’m hesitant. I’ve started a few blogs that have led me to sharing this very thing, but I’ve deleted them all. Why? To be honest, I don’t know, I’m just hestitant in sharing this. Sharing this very thing that has led to weekly nightmares and nights of no sleep.
Maybe I am more like the 10 year old girl than I thought. ;)
I will share soon friends, I just ask for your prayers first of all. This very thing is a huge passion and burden of mine and has changed my life in certain ways over the past few weeks. I will share soon friends.
(if you did not read my last blog, “Humane,” please do)
More later….
Teresa
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Down This Road...
It is insane for me to think that a whole year has passed again. It’s odd for me to think back & realize that so much can happen in a year. I close my eyes & ever tribulation, every hard bitter night, every joy, every new friend, every new visited place, every thought of India, every story of a modern-day slave, every speaking event of mine, every scare, every spiritual battle, every late night prayers, every new born baby, every new thing suddenly rushes to my mind. I smile when closing my eyes & remembering these things; even the things I sometimes wish I could forget.. I just wrote in Sept. about my past year because I turned 17, but I’m writing even again, now that it’s almost 2009.
I finally began to truly cherish friendships with people my own age; I’ve always leaned towards people who are older then me. I learned that white-water-rafting won’t kill me no matter how fearful I am; well, atleast the first time of experiencing it. I learned that I can hike in Tennessee through the mountains with my older brothers & not be a wimp about it, even when I’m wearing shoes that are a size too small for me. I began writing 2 books, but didn’t finish them. I learned that I had a great amount of bitterness towards my Dad because of my childhood. I learned that forgiving someone is truly freeing; & healing. I learned that I must try to reconcile relationships even when it feels like I’m the only one trying and willing. I learned that I sometimes hurt people dear to me when I don’t intend to, & even more when I do intend to. I learned that I struggle off and on with slight depression. I learned that I view, even the word “depression” as weakness. I prayed about depression. I found out that I truly love my family and cherish them. I found that my 9 neices and nephews grow up fast and that it makes me cry. I realized that it my deepest time of hurt and confusion I ran to God. One of my siblings tried to commit suicide. I almost lost the person in my life that I’m closest to. I’ve realized that I find myself on the floor face down weeping and praying when I’m most broken or desperate. I stopped writing in my journal or on my blog as much & I’ve missed it. I noticed that I truly am blessed with my Church family & I’ve grown to appreciate it more & more. I was blessed with new and amazing friendships. I took 2 cooking classes & still can’t cook. I wanted to leave a class because of a teacher, & the teacher found out about that & we reconciled things through my school concelor & elder at my Church, John Reed & I’m thankful for that. I learned that I sometimes pull myself away from something new because I doubt myself. I took the class Sculpture at school because I knew it would be challenging for me & it was. I learned that I like some Chinese foods. I felt what it means to really miss someone. I went for a year without seeing one of my dearest friends – states away makes that a sad fact. I lost a great Uncle. I found out another great Uncle of mine has cancer, & I wept bitterly. I had a “cancer scare” of my own; I was thankful when it wasn’t. I let go of the dream of becoming a musician & then got it back again & then let go again because I think God wants other things for me. I’ve cried myself to sleep more this year than I ever have in my lifetime. I wondered if I fell too far away from God. I thought God wouldn’t want me because of how much sinning was going on in my life. I’ve learned that I’m super weak. I’ve learned that with Christ I’m strong. I’ve become okay with weakness, it makes me humble. I’ve decided that I want to major in Missions & minor in Political Science & at some point minor in Writing. I thought that maybe I would re-plan my trip to India through Gospel For Asia for the Summer after I graduate. A new friend of mine, from India, told me that he’s going back to visit India & is going to Orissa in March & its made me fearful (even though I want to go as well) & I’ve wept & prayed for him countless times. For some reason I’ve been more fearful for him then I was for myself – but I’m desperately praying that I’d trust God with it completely. I began to speak about Modern-Day Slavery and even contacted a Congressman. I fought for a petition about Modern-Day Slavery & it was passed to Congress. I have had never-ending nightmares about slavery. I felt like I wasted my summer & when I was packing to head on vacation with my family to Tennessee, & before we left I wept in front of my Mom on my Kitchen floor over it. I decided that I want to be a foster mom at some point in my life after befriending a family full of foster kids. This Summer I met 3 new friends from India, one who was even involved in Gospel For Asia. I met a Hindu who shunned me after he heard I was a Christian; later that night I wept uncontrollably & prayed for the man & still do. God gave me a sometimes unbearble burden over India & also Modern Day Slavery. I got fearful that sin was going to lead me to falling away from Christ – then I prayed instead of allowing myself to think that over and over again. I thought about going to counceling. I wept for months over Orissa. I wept over the terrorist attack in India & found out a friend of mine had a sister that was there & wept more. I began to believe that clouds are painted against the sky and not actual moving created things. I missed the days that I used to sit outside so many evenings watching the sunset. I realized that I really hate it when people joke about drugs. I cried when I thought no one was looking. Had my new friend Renny from India grasp my hands and look me in the eyes & say, “You can go to India, but know that you may not make it, you may not come back” it made me even more fearful. I’ve prayed to God almost weekly that my sibling who tried to commit suicide will still be there when I wake up in the morning. I began to love wearing flats. I started liking skinny jeans. I’ve made myself question why I believe what I believe. I learned about William Wilberforce & Zach Hunter. I’ve realized that I really really really miss writing music. I began to write poetry. I’ve re-learned that Tennessee is my favorite state in the U.S. I wanted to learn to play the drums. Felt fear. Felt like I’ve succeeded. Felt like I was a failure. I felt left out. I’ve questioned if someone meant more to me then I did to them. I watched God change me. I watched the struggle with sin change me. I learned to appreciate councel, especially from Eric Muhlenkamp – who honestly, is the most humble & one of the most Godly men I’ve met in my entire life. I’m more than thankful for his councel about things with me fighting against Modern-Day Slavery & India; in the past months I’ve learned to trust this man & even more, love him as a friend. My morals challenged a teacher of mine & he decided to stop cussing in class. I learned that at some point I want to live in India, not only go for mission trips. As much as I convince myself that the world’s view of me means nothing to me, I’ve realized that at times it really does. I tried to “fit in.” I learned that I try to defend my sin and myself before God. I realized that I don’t have a defense when I’m before Him. I went on a missions trip to Tennessee. A homeless man changed my life & made me weep. Other homeless people from Michigan are engraved in my mind & my heart. I cried over India countless times. I prayed for a young girl, Karishma, I love but have never met. An adult man told me that he looked up to me; I was stunned. My 5th neice was born, which makes 9 neices and nephews. I was fearful & told that I may not be able to have children someday. I went horse-back riding. I almost when bungee jumping. I learned to trust fully that God is near even when I want to doubt it. I’ve learned that my days don’t feel the same if I don’t spend time with God in the mornings like I like to. I got furious with God. I realized that I don’t have a right to be angry with God. I questioned if God was only angry at me. I feared God’s anger. I realized God is graceful & merciful.
I realized that I truly truly truly love the dear friends that have been placed in my life. I’ve never been one to say that I have a “best friend.” But, the one friend who I am closest to is probably the one that I felt was most unlikely – because of our age gap. But, for some reason, this year, I’ve realized just how much I love & appreciate her. Nance Muhlenkamp’s (earlier mentioned, Eric Muhlenkamp’s wife), literally one of the best people I have met in my entire life & I say that about very few people. I’ve known of her since I was 6, I’ve known her since I was 10, I’ve been friends with her since I was 13, but I’ve been close friends with her since I was 15 or 16. I talk about this woman a lot, more than she knows. She is the person I’d refer to as my mentor, I learn more about life from her than I do any other person. She is the number one person in my life who has shown me what it really means to be a Godly woman seeking Jesus & wanting to love Him whole-heartedly. Shes seen me live my life before becoming a Chrisitan & knew just how rebellious I was, & yet, she’s loved on me like very few people have. I’ve done child-like things, like forgetting her birthday constantly & weeping bitterly (I seriously hate forgetting her birthday, & no matter how many times I write it down the day always passes me! I hate it with a passion, I’ve cried for weeks after her birthday when I’ve forgotten it. & hopefully, since I have it written down, I’ll remember this year. I’m determained!) after realizing it … but she still loves me. *grin* When I need guidance she is the woman that I turn to usually. I often think that she is a younger version of my Grandma; because she’s full of such wisdom. She’s the friend who does my eyebrows & I often ask her to hang out with me sometime during the week & I think she thinks I do it because I want my eyebrows done *laughs* but honestly, I just love to be with this friend. I’ve learned to appreciate the moments of conversation in her Kitchen, the moments of sitting on her couch watching movies we love, or sitting out on her back deck talking for hours in sunshine. One of the moments I love the most is one that replays over & over weekly; simply seeking out this friend in Church on Sundays & Wednsdays just to tap her when walking past & looking back & smiling & then finding her again later to give & get the hugs that I love. I was asked a few weeks ago who my role-model was; & my eyes starting tearing up as I said, “the person on this earth that has impacted my life in such a great way is Nance Muhlenkamp – I love that woman more than I love most people. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her; I don’t think she realizes that, but I’d love her to know that.” She’s more than just a “mentor” or a close friend, I want to be like her. Very few people on this earth have impacted my life the way she has.
So much has happened within friendships but much as happened outside of them as well. I’ve become unafraid of being vunerable and saying, “Be near me God and help me.” I said I wanted to be President. I didn’t go to Church for a few months, for countless reasons. I missed going to Church. I repented for why I didn’t go. I’ve experienced God’s grace over & over.
It’s been quite a year & honestly, the roughest yet. But, I’m smiling, I’m thankful. My eyes close… & it all comes back to me.
I’m ready for the next… Jesus, prepare me for whatever You have in store, with tears in my eyes & a smile on my face, I’m eager. Make me even more humble, break me even more, help me to be faithful, make me even more desperate for You, give me an even stronger love & burden for India, the lost, slaves, homeless & the poor. And teach me not to fear, teach me what it means to truly love You & those around me & those I haven’t even met. I want to be stretched & yet comforted, to seek You, God, with all that I am, to allow the sins of pride, selfishness & self-pity to be uprooted. I’m desperate to see the faces of India face-to-face. And I want to realize that hard work really does pay off even when I’ve felt I’ve terribly failed over & over again & to hopefully be in college or on my own & be thankful to You, God for that. I only have thoughts & glimpses of what this next year may bring … it may bring heartbreak & nights of unrest & mornings of peace & days of rejoicing … it’ll probably be full of both, but, the only thing I am sure of for this next year or these next few days, whichever comes, God is faithful & He never changes … I serve an amazing God! Jesus, lead me down this road, into the next year, & help me to praise You every moment of it, the valleys & those mountain tops. God, teach me to trust You.
Even now, may the Name of the Lord be praised, He is faithful even when I am not; & He has covered me with His grace & forgiveness even though I never deserve it.
Teresa
I finally began to truly cherish friendships with people my own age; I’ve always leaned towards people who are older then me. I learned that white-water-rafting won’t kill me no matter how fearful I am; well, atleast the first time of experiencing it. I learned that I can hike in Tennessee through the mountains with my older brothers & not be a wimp about it, even when I’m wearing shoes that are a size too small for me. I began writing 2 books, but didn’t finish them. I learned that I had a great amount of bitterness towards my Dad because of my childhood. I learned that forgiving someone is truly freeing; & healing. I learned that I must try to reconcile relationships even when it feels like I’m the only one trying and willing. I learned that I sometimes hurt people dear to me when I don’t intend to, & even more when I do intend to. I learned that I struggle off and on with slight depression. I learned that I view, even the word “depression” as weakness. I prayed about depression. I found out that I truly love my family and cherish them. I found that my 9 neices and nephews grow up fast and that it makes me cry. I realized that it my deepest time of hurt and confusion I ran to God. One of my siblings tried to commit suicide. I almost lost the person in my life that I’m closest to. I’ve realized that I find myself on the floor face down weeping and praying when I’m most broken or desperate. I stopped writing in my journal or on my blog as much & I’ve missed it. I noticed that I truly am blessed with my Church family & I’ve grown to appreciate it more & more. I was blessed with new and amazing friendships. I took 2 cooking classes & still can’t cook. I wanted to leave a class because of a teacher, & the teacher found out about that & we reconciled things through my school concelor & elder at my Church, John Reed & I’m thankful for that. I learned that I sometimes pull myself away from something new because I doubt myself. I took the class Sculpture at school because I knew it would be challenging for me & it was. I learned that I like some Chinese foods. I felt what it means to really miss someone. I went for a year without seeing one of my dearest friends – states away makes that a sad fact. I lost a great Uncle. I found out another great Uncle of mine has cancer, & I wept bitterly. I had a “cancer scare” of my own; I was thankful when it wasn’t. I let go of the dream of becoming a musician & then got it back again & then let go again because I think God wants other things for me. I’ve cried myself to sleep more this year than I ever have in my lifetime. I wondered if I fell too far away from God. I thought God wouldn’t want me because of how much sinning was going on in my life. I’ve learned that I’m super weak. I’ve learned that with Christ I’m strong. I’ve become okay with weakness, it makes me humble. I’ve decided that I want to major in Missions & minor in Political Science & at some point minor in Writing. I thought that maybe I would re-plan my trip to India through Gospel For Asia for the Summer after I graduate. A new friend of mine, from India, told me that he’s going back to visit India & is going to Orissa in March & its made me fearful (even though I want to go as well) & I’ve wept & prayed for him countless times. For some reason I’ve been more fearful for him then I was for myself – but I’m desperately praying that I’d trust God with it completely. I began to speak about Modern-Day Slavery and even contacted a Congressman. I fought for a petition about Modern-Day Slavery & it was passed to Congress. I have had never-ending nightmares about slavery. I felt like I wasted my summer & when I was packing to head on vacation with my family to Tennessee, & before we left I wept in front of my Mom on my Kitchen floor over it. I decided that I want to be a foster mom at some point in my life after befriending a family full of foster kids. This Summer I met 3 new friends from India, one who was even involved in Gospel For Asia. I met a Hindu who shunned me after he heard I was a Christian; later that night I wept uncontrollably & prayed for the man & still do. God gave me a sometimes unbearble burden over India & also Modern Day Slavery. I got fearful that sin was going to lead me to falling away from Christ – then I prayed instead of allowing myself to think that over and over again. I thought about going to counceling. I wept for months over Orissa. I wept over the terrorist attack in India & found out a friend of mine had a sister that was there & wept more. I began to believe that clouds are painted against the sky and not actual moving created things. I missed the days that I used to sit outside so many evenings watching the sunset. I realized that I really hate it when people joke about drugs. I cried when I thought no one was looking. Had my new friend Renny from India grasp my hands and look me in the eyes & say, “You can go to India, but know that you may not make it, you may not come back” it made me even more fearful. I’ve prayed to God almost weekly that my sibling who tried to commit suicide will still be there when I wake up in the morning. I began to love wearing flats. I started liking skinny jeans. I’ve made myself question why I believe what I believe. I learned about William Wilberforce & Zach Hunter. I’ve realized that I really really really miss writing music. I began to write poetry. I’ve re-learned that Tennessee is my favorite state in the U.S. I wanted to learn to play the drums. Felt fear. Felt like I’ve succeeded. Felt like I was a failure. I felt left out. I’ve questioned if someone meant more to me then I did to them. I watched God change me. I watched the struggle with sin change me. I learned to appreciate councel, especially from Eric Muhlenkamp – who honestly, is the most humble & one of the most Godly men I’ve met in my entire life. I’m more than thankful for his councel about things with me fighting against Modern-Day Slavery & India; in the past months I’ve learned to trust this man & even more, love him as a friend. My morals challenged a teacher of mine & he decided to stop cussing in class. I learned that at some point I want to live in India, not only go for mission trips. As much as I convince myself that the world’s view of me means nothing to me, I’ve realized that at times it really does. I tried to “fit in.” I learned that I try to defend my sin and myself before God. I realized that I don’t have a defense when I’m before Him. I went on a missions trip to Tennessee. A homeless man changed my life & made me weep. Other homeless people from Michigan are engraved in my mind & my heart. I cried over India countless times. I prayed for a young girl, Karishma, I love but have never met. An adult man told me that he looked up to me; I was stunned. My 5th neice was born, which makes 9 neices and nephews. I was fearful & told that I may not be able to have children someday. I went horse-back riding. I almost when bungee jumping. I learned to trust fully that God is near even when I want to doubt it. I’ve learned that my days don’t feel the same if I don’t spend time with God in the mornings like I like to. I got furious with God. I realized that I don’t have a right to be angry with God. I questioned if God was only angry at me. I feared God’s anger. I realized God is graceful & merciful.
I realized that I truly truly truly love the dear friends that have been placed in my life. I’ve never been one to say that I have a “best friend.” But, the one friend who I am closest to is probably the one that I felt was most unlikely – because of our age gap. But, for some reason, this year, I’ve realized just how much I love & appreciate her. Nance Muhlenkamp’s (earlier mentioned, Eric Muhlenkamp’s wife), literally one of the best people I have met in my entire life & I say that about very few people. I’ve known of her since I was 6, I’ve known her since I was 10, I’ve been friends with her since I was 13, but I’ve been close friends with her since I was 15 or 16. I talk about this woman a lot, more than she knows. She is the person I’d refer to as my mentor, I learn more about life from her than I do any other person. She is the number one person in my life who has shown me what it really means to be a Godly woman seeking Jesus & wanting to love Him whole-heartedly. Shes seen me live my life before becoming a Chrisitan & knew just how rebellious I was, & yet, she’s loved on me like very few people have. I’ve done child-like things, like forgetting her birthday constantly & weeping bitterly (I seriously hate forgetting her birthday, & no matter how many times I write it down the day always passes me! I hate it with a passion, I’ve cried for weeks after her birthday when I’ve forgotten it. & hopefully, since I have it written down, I’ll remember this year. I’m determained!) after realizing it … but she still loves me. *grin* When I need guidance she is the woman that I turn to usually. I often think that she is a younger version of my Grandma; because she’s full of such wisdom. She’s the friend who does my eyebrows & I often ask her to hang out with me sometime during the week & I think she thinks I do it because I want my eyebrows done *laughs* but honestly, I just love to be with this friend. I’ve learned to appreciate the moments of conversation in her Kitchen, the moments of sitting on her couch watching movies we love, or sitting out on her back deck talking for hours in sunshine. One of the moments I love the most is one that replays over & over weekly; simply seeking out this friend in Church on Sundays & Wednsdays just to tap her when walking past & looking back & smiling & then finding her again later to give & get the hugs that I love. I was asked a few weeks ago who my role-model was; & my eyes starting tearing up as I said, “the person on this earth that has impacted my life in such a great way is Nance Muhlenkamp – I love that woman more than I love most people. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her; I don’t think she realizes that, but I’d love her to know that.” She’s more than just a “mentor” or a close friend, I want to be like her. Very few people on this earth have impacted my life the way she has.
So much has happened within friendships but much as happened outside of them as well. I’ve become unafraid of being vunerable and saying, “Be near me God and help me.” I said I wanted to be President. I didn’t go to Church for a few months, for countless reasons. I missed going to Church. I repented for why I didn’t go. I’ve experienced God’s grace over & over.
It’s been quite a year & honestly, the roughest yet. But, I’m smiling, I’m thankful. My eyes close… & it all comes back to me.
I’m ready for the next… Jesus, prepare me for whatever You have in store, with tears in my eyes & a smile on my face, I’m eager. Make me even more humble, break me even more, help me to be faithful, make me even more desperate for You, give me an even stronger love & burden for India, the lost, slaves, homeless & the poor. And teach me not to fear, teach me what it means to truly love You & those around me & those I haven’t even met. I want to be stretched & yet comforted, to seek You, God, with all that I am, to allow the sins of pride, selfishness & self-pity to be uprooted. I’m desperate to see the faces of India face-to-face. And I want to realize that hard work really does pay off even when I’ve felt I’ve terribly failed over & over again & to hopefully be in college or on my own & be thankful to You, God for that. I only have thoughts & glimpses of what this next year may bring … it may bring heartbreak & nights of unrest & mornings of peace & days of rejoicing … it’ll probably be full of both, but, the only thing I am sure of for this next year or these next few days, whichever comes, God is faithful & He never changes … I serve an amazing God! Jesus, lead me down this road, into the next year, & help me to praise You every moment of it, the valleys & those mountain tops. God, teach me to trust You.
Even now, may the Name of the Lord be praised, He is faithful even when I am not; & He has covered me with His grace & forgiveness even though I never deserve it.
Teresa
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
"Humane."
Good morning friends….
I’ve been awake for over an hour now. It’s nearly 8:30 in the morning, and I can see through the glimpses of the open curtain that the morning sun is finally beginning to fully rise. The tv is mindlessly running, I think it’s the weather channel; we’re expecting snow sometime on Sunday. We’re getting snow a week after Christmas, a week before, but not the day of; it never makes sense. *grin*
I’ve had something on my mind for the past few days that I’ve wanted to write about; so I’m going to share it here with you even though I’m not exactly sure how to start…. so bear with me and forgive me if I don’t do so well. :)
Sometime last week I looked up the word “humane” a few days after hearing it spoken in one of my classes. In case you did not know; one of the definitions of humane is: “kind and good.” When I read that I have to chuckle and question it. If that’s the true definition of humanity, then I’m wondering what we truly are… truth is, people have a wrong view of humanity. Our intentions may be kind and good, but we ourselves, are not.
In my History class my teacher somehow jumped from the topic of a certain war to the issue of terrorism and terrorists. Now, I’m not one to leave the room when terrorists are mentioned (I know people who hate talking about it) but I am one to get defensive when judgements are thrown upon people. He said something along the line of: “Terrorists are not humane. When you think of a terrorist what do you see? A Middle-Eastern man, wearing a thing on his head (I was going to speak up and say the name for it but didn’t) and he’s probably an extremist in his religion.”
The only thing that stood out in my mind from what he said (besides the fact that he said ‘thing on his head’) was the fact that he had ‘groups’ of people to which a terrorist would belong…
1) A man
2) Middle-Eastern
3) Of a certain religion
Now… I am not a man, nor am I a Middle Eastern beliver in this religion that he was refering to… but my face turned red, my blood boiled, and my eyes glared. Why? Not because I haven’t recognized that most people of terrorism have come from this very background but because now that we realize that these are the backgrounds of people that we fear – sometimes we tend to fear them even when all these things aren’t combined.
We (as Americans, not you or I personally) tend to resist, be hesitant toward, or have fear of people of the Middle East. We see someone or know someone who is a Muslim and wonder if they’re an extremist. I’ve seen this evident… and I hate it.
I do have one question though. The word “terrorism” or “terrorist” is it only seen as one who allows suicide bombings, or flying into American buildings? If so, then yes, my teacher was right – the 3 characteristics that he mentioned were ones that are often defined terrorists, and are the only terrorists. But when I looked up the word I found the definition: “Terrorism is a term used to describe violence or other harmful acts committed (or threatened) against civilians by groups or persons.” So, if terrorism is someone creating any terror in anyone then isn’t terrorism also planning school shootings, killing innocent people, persecuting Christians, allowing slavery 200 years ago and now modern-day slavery….
I don’t think terrorism is reserved or expected only from (as my teacher said) a Middle-Eastern man of the Muslim religon. I think we are (as Americans, not you or I personally) blind to see that terror is laid upon other people because of others actions. If terror is the mere object of terrorism, then we have terrorist in America, not only overseas.
These very judgements, of the ones that my teacher said, are like people pointing toward African Americans and coming to a conclusion that all African Americans will sometime end up doing drugs, on the street or in prison. It’s like people of a different background besides something that leads to white skin saying that all people who are white are judgemental and have hatred toward anyone else different than them; or that all Christians are too narrow-minded. It seems to me that we (all people) have allowed oursevles to expect certain things from certain people.
Okay, I’m not here to preach, and in fact that’s not even why I’m writing. I had no intention on going on a word spree like this. So I’ll stop, but please do think about what I shared as you leave this. I think I’m just tired of judgements laid upon other people – so I guess deep down I knew a “word spree” was expected. *grin* All of this because of simple words said in a class.
More later,
Teresa
I’ve been awake for over an hour now. It’s nearly 8:30 in the morning, and I can see through the glimpses of the open curtain that the morning sun is finally beginning to fully rise. The tv is mindlessly running, I think it’s the weather channel; we’re expecting snow sometime on Sunday. We’re getting snow a week after Christmas, a week before, but not the day of; it never makes sense. *grin*
I’ve had something on my mind for the past few days that I’ve wanted to write about; so I’m going to share it here with you even though I’m not exactly sure how to start…. so bear with me and forgive me if I don’t do so well. :)
Sometime last week I looked up the word “humane” a few days after hearing it spoken in one of my classes. In case you did not know; one of the definitions of humane is: “kind and good.” When I read that I have to chuckle and question it. If that’s the true definition of humanity, then I’m wondering what we truly are… truth is, people have a wrong view of humanity. Our intentions may be kind and good, but we ourselves, are not.
In my History class my teacher somehow jumped from the topic of a certain war to the issue of terrorism and terrorists. Now, I’m not one to leave the room when terrorists are mentioned (I know people who hate talking about it) but I am one to get defensive when judgements are thrown upon people. He said something along the line of: “Terrorists are not humane. When you think of a terrorist what do you see? A Middle-Eastern man, wearing a thing on his head (I was going to speak up and say the name for it but didn’t) and he’s probably an extremist in his religion.”
The only thing that stood out in my mind from what he said (besides the fact that he said ‘thing on his head’) was the fact that he had ‘groups’ of people to which a terrorist would belong…
1) A man
2) Middle-Eastern
3) Of a certain religion
Now… I am not a man, nor am I a Middle Eastern beliver in this religion that he was refering to… but my face turned red, my blood boiled, and my eyes glared. Why? Not because I haven’t recognized that most people of terrorism have come from this very background but because now that we realize that these are the backgrounds of people that we fear – sometimes we tend to fear them even when all these things aren’t combined.
We (as Americans, not you or I personally) tend to resist, be hesitant toward, or have fear of people of the Middle East. We see someone or know someone who is a Muslim and wonder if they’re an extremist. I’ve seen this evident… and I hate it.
I do have one question though. The word “terrorism” or “terrorist” is it only seen as one who allows suicide bombings, or flying into American buildings? If so, then yes, my teacher was right – the 3 characteristics that he mentioned were ones that are often defined terrorists, and are the only terrorists. But when I looked up the word I found the definition: “Terrorism is a term used to describe violence or other harmful acts committed (or threatened) against civilians by groups or persons.” So, if terrorism is someone creating any terror in anyone then isn’t terrorism also planning school shootings, killing innocent people, persecuting Christians, allowing slavery 200 years ago and now modern-day slavery….
I don’t think terrorism is reserved or expected only from (as my teacher said) a Middle-Eastern man of the Muslim religon. I think we are (as Americans, not you or I personally) blind to see that terror is laid upon other people because of others actions. If terror is the mere object of terrorism, then we have terrorist in America, not only overseas.
These very judgements, of the ones that my teacher said, are like people pointing toward African Americans and coming to a conclusion that all African Americans will sometime end up doing drugs, on the street or in prison. It’s like people of a different background besides something that leads to white skin saying that all people who are white are judgemental and have hatred toward anyone else different than them; or that all Christians are too narrow-minded. It seems to me that we (all people) have allowed oursevles to expect certain things from certain people.
Okay, I’m not here to preach, and in fact that’s not even why I’m writing. I had no intention on going on a word spree like this. So I’ll stop, but please do think about what I shared as you leave this. I think I’m just tired of judgements laid upon other people – so I guess deep down I knew a “word spree” was expected. *grin* All of this because of simple words said in a class.
More later,
Teresa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)